“Beverly Hills”, Weezer

Weezer Beverly Hills

This is not exactly a deep song with any hidden meanings about life and love.  It’s a fantasy.  And why not?  Who doesn’t dream about having fuck you money?  Not that I would ever want to live in Beverly Hills with all those phony, useless rich people.  But I would love to never have to worry about money again. 


Money has been the major stressor in my life.  Well, money and men—more specifically, the lack of each.  I used to fantasize about being rich and famous and not having to do anything I don’t want to do.  But since I am the 99%, I cannot do that.  And I don’t even really care about the fame part anymore, because it just seems like a pain in the ass.  I just want the money.  I am not a material girl, though I do have a lot of shit (I am definitely a hoarder—er, collector of many things).  I just want to not have to worry about paying bills.  I want to be able to buy fancy cheeses and truffle oil for myself, and nice gifts for my family and friends.  I want to travel.  I want to go to the gym every day.  I want to go to concerts and plays.  I want to take cooking classes, art classes, dance classes.  I want a lot more tattoos.  I want to give generously to those in need.  I want to volunteer for charities.  Really, all I want out of life is to enjoy myself and take care of those I love.  Money makes that easier to accomplish.


Not that I am miserable or anything.  I am actually much more satisfied with who I am than I have ever been.  And I have accepted that I am meant to be a single lady, but I cannot accept that I am supposed to be poor for the rest of my life.   


The truth is

I don’t stand a chance

It’s something that you’re born into

And I just don’t belong

No I don’t

I’m just a no class, beat down fool

And I will always be that way

I might as well enjoy my life

And watch the stars play


Aw, hell naw!  Rivers Cuomo can chill at the Playboy Mansion whenever he wants.  He’s still a dork, but now he’s a rich, married dork with a degree from Harvard.  I am a poor, single dork with a BA and MA from two Ohio colleges.  Not that that’s anything to sneeze at, but I have student loans to pay back, and I bet Rivers doesn’t. 


Our Nerd Hero!

Our Nerd Hero!

I don’t need to be filthy rich.  I want to be, mainly so I can help people.  Plus, I really fucking hate working.  Most of my jobs have been shitty, low-paying gigs that make me hate my life.  The only job I ever really loved everything about was when I was an America Reads tutor while I finished my BA.  I would love to do that again as a volunteer if I get rich.  I love cooking and writing and being in school, and I would do a lot more of all of that if I had fuck you money.  I would definitely stay in school forever if I didn’t have to worry about paying for it.  And I don’t want those honorary degrees they give to celebrities.  I want to sit in class, read a million books, and write a lot of papers so I can earn my degrees.  I want to start my PhD in a few years, but I doubt I can do that under my present financial circumstances.    


Back in the day, all I cared about was going out and looking hot.  I never had the money to do that, but I sure had the plastic!  So I ran up a lot of credit card debt, looked fierce every night in the bars, had more than my fair share of everything and everybody, and kept dreaming of the day I would go international.  Now that I don’t drink, I am 100% a homebody, and I’m comfortable with that.  I go out a handful of times a year when friends visit from out of town, I never buy stripper shoes anymore, and I keep all my lady business to myself.  Bor-ing.  But happy.


If I had Beverly Hills money, I could bring in my own personal glam squad to style all my friends so we could go out for the night at the clubs I rent for their birthdays, get limos to drive us all there, hotel suites so we could bring the party back with us—and so I could retire at a respectable hour in my own penthouse away from the noise.  I could invite everyone to the actual awards shows we pretend we are attending while reporting live on Facebook from the comfort of our respective couches.  I would be able to give my friends the true VIP treatment.


With Beverly Hills money, my family would have everything they need.  My parents could relax and enjoy their lives.  They could finish fixing up the house, sell it, and move closer to the church with all the other Serbs.  My sisters could quit their jobs if they wanted to.  My cousins would have whatever they needed to pay for school, houses, cars, college funds for their kids.  Nobody would ever have to be concerned about money. 


I could finally visit the old country and get all Roots about it.  I would love to spend the summer there, traveling and meeting family we have never met.  Of course, I would also have the money to take an immersion course in Serbian before I went so I would already be fluent.  I’m taking Serbian right now, but I am really slow at learning it at this age, and if I could have like a month away from all English speakers I know I would feel more confident about learning.    


I have always wanted to make a documentary about my family, and I could do that with Beverly Hills money.  I could do all the creative things I want to do, and I could help others who have creative ideas as well.  I would be a one-woman Kickstarter!  I love the idea of being a matron of the arts.  It suits me. 


It’s funny that a band like Weezer would sing a song like this.  They’re rich, so they have that life.  But the fact that Rivers grew up on an ashram and still has those hippy ideals means that he’s being ironic about it.  This is why he is our Nerd Hero.  The video takes place at the Playboy Mansion, one of the most decadent places on Earth, the scene of ridiculous displays of money and sex and power.  Don’t get me wrong—I love me some Hef!  But seeing Weezer there, singing about wanting to live that kind of life, it’s hilarious.  And I get the joke.  I would never live in a mansion, I would never brag about my money, I would never buy shit to impress people.  But I want to have the money to tell someone to fuck off without worrying about being able to pay my bills.  Hef doesn’t need to take shit from anyone.  Neither does Oprah.  Cher.  Madonna.  Richard Branson.  I want to be like them, not because they live a certain lifestyle, but because they only do what they want to do.  That’s the essence of what I’m saying about fuck you money and why I want it.  I don’t want to play by anyone else’s rules.  I’ve never been good at following other people’s orders. 


I don’t want to move to Beverly Hills or anyplace else where rich people congregate.  What I want is to get out of this tiny apartment, pay off my student loans, and tell my employers to go fuck themselves.  I want to get paid well to write whatever the fuck I want.  I want to be happy and enjoy my life.  Isn’t that pretty much what everyone wants?   


Rollin’ like a celebrity


Weezer W

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